I tend to think too much. Because my mind is always thinking I am continually finding something to worry about. Unfortunately I have found that this habit causes me to spend my time in the present focusing on the past or future. Changing this tendency has not been easy. However, once in a while time stops and the present suddenly comes into focus.
Yesterday time stopped for a while. Or maybe real time started? We had our first water babies class at Harding High School for Miriam. Becky had signed me up to go into the water with Miri and like most things I complained a bit about doing something that was out of my routine. And I worried...Would I be the only father? Would I have to do something wierd? Where is my swimsuit?
A funny thing happened when we entered the pool with that small group of fellow water babies participants. Some of the kids were a little aprehensive, some clung to their mother's or father's neck, some broke a slight smile. However, Miriam was totally ecstatic. Now she always enjoyed taking a bath but this venture into a swimming pool brought out something different, pure joy. While she grinned from ear to ear she splashed repeatedly while neighboring babies looked over with faces of uncertainty. It was impossible not to get caught up in the joy and look to the side of the pool and share smiles with Becky. Parents who I wouldn't have talked with on the street corner were suddenly part of our community. Miriam was happy, I was happy, and the smiling woman on the side of the pool, who I married a little over three years ago, was happy. We were alive in the present.
I think times like these are the times we get a glimpse of God's time, eternity breaking into the present. The already-not yet of the christian faith. I think back to those playground days in elementary school, those long points in high school and college tennis, the pickup basketball game at the local park, dancing in the living room with Becky and Miriam while Jack Johnson plays on the cd player. Those all too rare of times when we get caught up in play and our focus on external time slips away. Worries slip away, our focus on careers, our security, our death, all the constant mental commentaries drift to the back of our consciousness.
For someone who struggles with living in the present it is good to have these sorts of experiences. In my life of thought I need to remember to play. To know that God is there in those special moments of joy in order to ease those times when life is painful, the days too long and the nights too short. I need to live in expectation that once in a while God may show up and help me live in the present. I just might experience heaven. Maybe even in a pool. Ken
2 comments:
You're a good daddy, Kenny.
I can relate to having difficulty living in the present. Remembering some Zen philosophy helps. Alcohol (just kidding). I suppose knowing the future would help, but life would be boring, and, anyway, by knowing your future, you endanger your future (from the movies "Back to the Future" and "Paycheck"). I think most of all, though, just enjoying your relationships keeps you grounded in the present. And, now that I think about it, you got two close people to keep you well-grounded, Becky and Miri.
Every now and then, Becky gets playful and seems to lose herself in complete insanity, I mean, spontaneity. It's fun to watch. And, then, hearing about Miri in the pool, she is so adventurous; she doesn't seem to have any inhibitions like the other kids; she just jumps and asks questions later. So you got two good people to learn the ways of real time, present time. And that's all I got to say about that (from "Forrest Gump").
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