Harmless as doves

It has been a long time since our family has blogged on here so I, Becky, thought I'd give it a go as mind my is full of thoughts. Maybe this blog will in a sense be cathartic for me. I've written about this in my family's previous blogs however, I'd like to mention it again.

One of the things I've mentioned before and cannot even attempt to hide is how much I love my little girl and the innocence that is in her. It's beautiful - she's so free, so open to all kinds of people, unafraid of new things, her emotions are so real, etc. She can be walking along and say "Hi" to any stranger and they respond to her. I, on the other hand, will say "Hi" to strangers when I'm out running and I can't tell you how many people look away or just don't respond. It bugs me and has actually made me say "hi" louder but to no further avail. What is it with people?

They respond to Miri because she's innocent, she doesn't demand anything of them, they don't question her motives. She's just purely being friendly. I actually think that adults are flattered when a baby freely chooses to communicate with them. (How nice it would be if people were flattered that I chose to say Hi to them :) ). When I say "hello" I know that my motives are innocent and that I'm just trying to be friendly but the people who I pass by don't know this and each of them has their own complex life story, maybe they don't trust people, or maybe they don't like my skin color, or maybe they are afraid, maybe they don't like people in general, maybe their deaf- I don't know but for what ever reason they keep distant.

It's not just when I'm trying to say hello to people that I notice this, it seems to happen everywhere; so many people are skeptical and on guard all of the time. No longer do neighbors trust neighbors. The media fills all of us with such fear that we question whether the guy or girl down the road is going to try to sexually molest our kids. We even doubt our clergy. I understand the fear but with the fear I also long and hope for the freedom to love people without them questioning my motives or me questioning theirs. I pray for the eyes to see and believe that people's motives may in fact be good at times. I long for a place where that childlike innocence that Miri displays can reside. I long for a place where friends can walk hand in hand and not be questioned in regard to their sexual orientation. I long for a place where people can tell people that they love them without the person thinking "wow she is so weird".

There are times when this freedom is seen and is acceptable but oftentimes it's in the midst of tragedy like 911 or a death of someone we cared about; in those times we embrace eachother and are able to enter honestly into our emotions freely without being judged or judging. Suffering is terrible, never easy to go through, and so often difficult to understand but to see the beauty that it can at times bring through the loving connection of strangers and family is an amazing byproduct. Why is it that it takes pain to tear away our pretense?

I often do feel childlike inside and sometimes I probably act this way too - my husband, Ken, may say it's more childish than childlike but I would disagree, of course. People who know me know this about me. People who don't probably do think I'm weird. I guess it doesn't matter. I do find comfort in the fact that in my Christian worldview I can know that it is God who looks deep inside and sees the motives inside my heart. God is really the only one who can fairly judge anyway. But I still hope for a heaven on earth like scenario where the beauty in our lives flows from the inside out and can be accepted in it's pure form.